in God’s timing

There is security in a well thought out plan, an absoluteness to the success of an event or meeting. Most of us, have been taught fervently to think things through, use a planner, write out ideas, and assure profit. It’s called being prepared, being smart, or being proactive. Myself one of them, I tend to lean on the foundation of these ideas. Anxiety will take over if I am not overseeing the conclusion.

I have been forced to overcome this reality for the past two years of my life. Why? Because in Jesus I am not in control.  It is not the details I write down, the possibilities I explore, or the preparation I put into place that takes dominion over my life- my savior is the only authority and the sole regulator to who I am and what I do.

What a freeing truth that is. Read More

the strength in trust

There’s an undisclosed expectation that we walk around in; an assumption of action, trait, or juncture that has somehow been deemed the way of approval. It’s the conception that strength is the way to successfully move through life, showing no fear, and feeling capable within all circumstances. At some point weakness gained a connotation of inadequacy. That to show uncertainty or wavering faith is unwelcomed and scoffed.

I hear this statement, or some version of it, many times among believers: I am not strong enough to trust God. Just writing that hurts my heart for those that fall into this misconstrued thought process that connects our trust with societies’ opinion on strength. Because here’s the issue. Normally when this conversation is brought up, it is in Read More

conquering the enemy

Time is elusive. We can stand still, unaware of moments, events, logic; we can move forward, oblivious to the dust tumbling in our paths. We get lost- mentally our minds separate from our bodies, apart from our awareness, and we end up in a place we don’t recognize. For some, it’s dark, lonesome, and still. For others, its crowded, loud, and overpowering. There’s a middle ground too, where placidity consumes us- standing, breathing, conscious, but inactive. We have the capability of being so engrossed, we confuse reality. That’s how powerful our minds are, that’s how detriment the enemy is.

In a heartbeat, he enters, and in a breath, he strikes. He can taste vulnerability miles away and it fuels his diligence. He’s attentive to the things of our life that holds us captive, that weakens our knees, and sheds light on the holes of our heart. The ideas and Read More

coping with Jesus

There are often moments of disgruntlement; times we are irked at something in our lives that doesn’t make sense, and we lack the words or understanding to deal with it. It’s an impartial emotion, an unfinished scene. We wait for the big reveal, the climax, and the conclusion; but many leave the audience dissatisfied.

There is a wire within us that threads our desire to comprehend, to make sense of everything we do and say. But it’s a sparking fuse, incomplete, potentially dangerous, yet we keep thrusting power through. It’s always a question within a struggle- what caused it, why is it happening, how do I get through?

It’s lacking. Do we ever fully feel assured in those answers?

A common reaction to these insufficient feelings, is questioning the universe, or faith. Birthed from our innate wondering, we ask each other if faith is simply a coping mechanism. Read More

the thoughts that fail us

Our minds are peculiar in a complex and fascinating way. They ramble and direct, fill and empty; we rely on them for everything- memories, learning, processing, living. I could not write these words without it, and to fathom that is impossible. There are days it feels sharp, we understand and refine what we are currently doing, have done, and will be doing throughout that day. We think about things we don’t even realize, taking in our surroundings, and storing them in its proper place. It is constantly at work, and every now and then, I feel it fail.

For our mind to fail it does not encompass our normal definition of failure, but rather an overload, a disarray of information that flows too quickly for our mind and heart to line up, pick it a part, and figure out where it belongs. This is the knowledge we take in and emotions we feel, that need to connect with another part of who we are, and what we’ve seen and know. A task that takes time, takes discipline, and takes nurture.

This concept, to take care of our mind, is not something I’ve thought of before. Not in this context. On a day like today, though, where nothing seemed to slow down, nothing could collect, and everything was unsettled, I found myself weary. I was tired, tired of Read More

His intimate provision

Inherently, we desire companionship; and frequently, it comes in the form of craving or aching. In moments of emotional discomfort, we cling to the physical world. We search for tangible amenities that can soothe our raw hearts and satisfy the longing we feel we can’t control. We reach out, hoping to catch anything that’s available to tell us we belong, to have an intimacy that silences the loneliness and degrading thoughts. We idolize relationships, marriage, elders, siblings, etc. that we look to for a sense of wholeness, to talk to and be talked at, to connect and agree, to share in laughter and in cries. A hand to hold or someone to hug. We idolize them, and fall apart when it’s taken away.

When you dissect this concept, there’s one thing in common: palpable interaction. Concrete assurance and reassurance that that person is there in front of you, loving you, and fueling you. We thrust our hope, trust, and expectations into those that we tangibly love because it produces immediate and clear feedback. We rely on them to satisfy all our wishes and confirm all of our emotional tantrums- so when that person is no longer Read More