lost to the depths of sin

To be lost, is a dreadful and disheartening thing. It causes distress in the most frantically inclined way; and frustration to its core, growing and building from a hindrance of disorientation. It leaves a lasting imprint too, rather than a temporary wandering that is forgotten and omitted.

We feel that sensation every moment that allows a memory to stroll through our veins- yes veins, not mind. That would be too simple. To have felt and experienced the truest sense of the word “lost” then you know that it penetrates.

With that truth though, means the release of that state of mind is nothing short of exhilarating and peaceful all at the same time.

I have been captivated by this existence half my life, as most of you have. But not long ago I experienced the greatest saving I could ever imagine, and from the darkest, most mislead place there is.

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He is greater

There are instances of life that can change so suddenly; where one moment of calm shatters into anxiety. This looks different for everyone, and for me, its failing. Within one heartbeat my body temperature rises and my mind enters a dark place, consumed with the fear of consequences, outcomes, and opinions. It’s one of the many battles that blog5require a sword and shield but often I forget that that protection is God.

Failure is a loaded word, and it’s thriving element is our insecurities. But our Father is its’ dictator, meaning it has no authority over our life. In situations that we feel small, insignificant, and incompetent, God waits for us to call on Him.

I strive to remember my purpose is in God’s hands, not those of man. Therefore, I am not exhausted with that of school, jobs, talent, income- but given freedom from their hold on us. Read More

running after God

It’s daunting, how easily we are gripped by fear; without even knowing it our minds are hung up by the lies of our dismayed hearts. Our feet walk one direction as our eyes look another. We desire and crave as silently as angst commands. It tends to lie naked and confident; longing to demolish any chance of ignorance left inside our bodies and holds us as stone-

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seeking approval

I have seen a common theme behind the fear of pursuit; having had multiple conversations revolving around the idea of complacency all because failure grips us. But every bloom begins from a root and I believe many of us struggle with a broken one. We (I) am very much a reactionist. I look for approval in others- the smile after a joke, the concern from an idea, the confusion from an action. Craving and thriving off the reactions of those around me. It can be my motivation just as much as my crutch.

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not one day, but the rest of our lives

I look around this life, caught in the glimpses of loved ones; hanging on to excuses that allow love, passion, and thought to flow freely as if it was the norm. I blink, a new day has dawned, and we move forward with a new idea of normality, accepting new circumstances as a “blessing,” and continuing down the path that our flesh designs. For days and moments that are desired to be extraordinarily more heart pounding, I find are the most broken.

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His battlefield (happy Easter)

Overwhelmed by the weight we eagerly place on our shoulders every day, and consumed by life’s glimpses of love- I fall back into my seat and remember that’s not how it’s supposed to be. The breadth of my arms is not wide enough for the enemy’s antics, nor is my back strong enough to endure its’ rage. These hands of mine are too fragile for miracles, and my feet won’t last a night of the cold ground. We have this exhausting sense of power over the wrecked things of this world that we often fall in defeat because we are too prideful to ask for help.

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