subtle judgment

Today, I conducted upwards of 80 interviews. Pre-screens that involve a few seconds of “why do you want to work for us?” and “what’s your availability like?” Pertinent questions any employer needs and should ask, and any interviewee should expect to hear. These are the basics, the obvious. These are also the most dangerous for a Christian heart.

This part of business opens hallways of space for the devil to walk right into, and for your mind to greet him at the door. It’s the very crucial and permissible justification that can violently change our faithful heart to a sinful one.

I struggle, daily, with the part of my job that reflects cold judgement. Both on others and myself. When you work solely for and around the public, it’s a beautiful and challenging opportunity. We have the perfect avenue to spread the gospel, to exemplify love, and to show grace; we also have the potential to fall into the devil’s antics of judging first impressions, measuring yourself against others, and building or breaking down pride.

Like many aspects of life, it is a fine line. But what I’ve concluded it always comes down to, and will always come down to, is the position of your heart.

What is your desire, what is your end goal, how do you pray? Are all three answers Jesus? Without making Him the center of all decisions and situations, you are bound to fall into the hands of the enemy. Why? Because it is so subtle, we often miss it.

The moments I’ve caught myself in sin, I am dumbfounded with the slyness that overthrew me. Within insidious seconds, I am looking at someone in front of me assuming their history. Flashes of people I’ve known in my past or present that I automatically categorize them with. In shameful minutes, I am looking at someone in front of me wondering why I am not as sound or beautiful as they are. In unforeseen moments, I lose my identity and am caught up in the worlds’. It happens suddenly, and all at once.

My heart aches in memory of this truth. I long for it to be a simple point of conversation and guidance, rather than a true example of what I have encountered. But I am a sinner, and every part of my being is in constant need of Jesus.

James 4:12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you- who are you to judge your neighbor?

I despise the part of my heart that can look at someone else and see anything other than a brother or sister in Christ. I loathe the ability of my heart to look at someone else andIMG_3031 not first and foremost desire their salvation. These are the harsh truths of our sinful beings, and I am laying it down, vulnerability and all, at the feet of my Lord.

I have learned to fervently pray for a changed and softened heart. I have accepted the painful truth that I cannot do it alone, that I cannot rely on my own mind to alter the way I think and dialogue; that I cannot convince my thoughts to falter one way or the other with the power of my own doing; it is impossible, because I have no control over the sin. God has the authority and aptitude to strengthen my soul, to mitigate my nature, and guide me towards Him. I can’t do it without Him.

In these moments of judgment, whether it be against myself or others, there’s something that burns in my heart. I can feel the hatred boil underneath my skin, giving my stomach a whirlwind of emotion, and it’s like the holy spirit is fighting for its life to destroy the sin. That is how powerful our salvation is, that is how beautiful His love for us is, that is how matter-of-factly He resides inside of us, never leaving our side.

When I stare into a neighbor’s eyes, I should see nothing but a child of God; when I am interviewing a candidate, I should pray for God’s sight; when I am getting to know a coworker, I should drown the envy with God’s goodness. In every situation that involves another beautiful, breathing human being, I should strive for nothing shy of Jesus’ love and grace.

Father,

My thoughts are heavy today. My soul aches for your goodness. My heart and mind need you to intervene and shape what fills them. Let your love and earthly ministry be a guide for my own walk and my own sight. Let me see those around me through your perfect provision, rather than my judgmental nature. Lord, forgive me for my sin. Let me forgive myself. Give me the words and sight to move forward towards you, so that in the next moment of weakness, I can overcome the sin.

Amen

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