There are many gratifying and prideful instants in life that affect us down through our toes; there are people who move us to a moment of stillness; and words that can change the rate of our heart. There are flashes throughout my day that I can pinpoint the very core of emotion being felt, but then there are seconds that are so lonely, echoes spring from the room I stand in.
The fact is, we are impassioned beings. Living, breathing, minds and spirits that are hysterical, fervid, impetuous; constantly thinking, dreaming, and aspiring to be a certain type of person, do a specific activity, and be thought of as something spectacular. Dizzy yet?
This is so beautiful in its own unique way, but also terrifying. You know why? Because amidst it all lies sin; sitting comfortably on a pedestal made of fear and confidence.
We are so quick- I am so quick- to react on my passions that I leave no room for the Holy Spirit to do its thing, and lead right into the art of the underhand, the enemies’ shifty mind and devious ways of getting to our hearts.
When God is not the center of my day, I fail to meet his ways the way that I so desire. I react to situations before humbling myself to it and therefore say something not Godly, think something shameful, or physically act in an erring manner. I sin.
When that happens, I fall in contempt, hating the very sin that just overtook me. Then overpowering guilt consumes me and I feel unforgiveable. This is when stillness vanquishes my world and I stand in echoes of judgement.
Can you feel the rollercoaster? The wavering senses of emotion that can knock us down repeatedly.
Here’s the challenge, find the beauty in that description. Because it’s there, I (we) just forget it sometimes.
Psalm 103: 10-12
He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
What I love about this whole idea is remembering that God knows us better than we know ourselves. He is all knowing, we cannot hide from him. So, our constant moments of high emotion, sinful thoughts, and fervid actions cannot and will not separate us from him. God is fully aware that we operate and revert in completely human and imperfect ways, but loves us still.
I fear God for his power and thoughts, but loves me in the thick of it all. When I am caught in the crippling stillness of my sins He is moving mountains. When I am just trying to figure out this thing called life, and all it has to offer us in confusion, joy, corruption, laughter, humility and challenges- He is loving me for loving Him, not condemning me for the emotions He gave me.
What I have learned is striving to be the best Godly version of myself means that I am going to mess up. Why? Because if I was not a woman of faith, those hiccups would just be mistakes. As a follower of Christ, those instances are more than that, they are sins against God and reasons to cling onto His word and His grace. They are reminders that I need Him, His grace, His love, His guidance, and His word to live this life for the glory of His name.
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Father, overwhelm me with your presence so that I may never forget who I live for. Change my heart so that everything I do and say reflects your Holy name. Give me discernment so that I may recognize my sins quickly, and desire to repent just as fast. Remind me in times of emotional stress to act as though Jesus would, and do not let me fall too deeply into those emotions that I may be still in its’ power.